What if your faith testimony isn't that of the prodigal son, but of the brother?
Never Far From God
Moment of complete truth and vulnerability? There was a time I was afraid that I wasn’t enough because my testimony of faith wasn’t as exciting as the people around me.
I knew I was called, equipped, educated, and able. I knew I was doing what God created me to do, but I didn’t feel like it was enough. It felt like something was missing, and that missing piece tried to foster jealousy for those who had it and fear I couldn’t be used until I experienced it.
I grew up knowing God before I knew myself. I was taught John 3:16 and The Lord’s Prayer before I could even read. While I, of course, had my moments where I strayed and messed up (hello teenage years!), I was never far from God. Looking back now, I see that as a huge gift, and I wouldn’t change it. For a long time, though, I craved a 180 moment, a dramatic faith testimony.
Hearing the powerful testimonies of those who went as far away from God as possible and then had that WOW moment when they were delivered and set free always made me happy, but deep down inside, I was a little jealous.
That jealousy grew into fear. I thought that if I didn’t have a mountain-moving testimony, God couldn’t use me the same way He used them. I feared my testimony would never be enough to change lives because it was full of tiny curves, not 180-degree turns.
The Prodigal Son or the Brother?
When we read the story of the prodigal son, we see a man who threw it all away, went as far from his Father as humanly possible, realized his mistake, and was welcomed back with open arms and a huge celebration. The prodigal son did a total 180 from the pig pens to the guest of honor. Meanwhile, in the background, we see his brother.
His brother who was always there, always obedient. When he hears the celebration happening at his brother’s return, he is angry. Why on earth was his father celebrating his brother returning when he had been there all along?
I wonder, however, what the answer would have been if you had asked the prodigal son if he would rather go through the pig pens and have a party at the end or skip the rebellious period and just live in constant relationship and intimacy with the father. Would he have chosen his brother’s story?
We will always feel angry, jealous, or inadequate when we compare our journey to others.
I felt this jealousy and inadequacy leading up to leaving for my own Revelation Wellness Instructor Training.
I looked around at my platoon family and saw many of them standing on the cliff edge, terrified to take the leap. I had already been doing this fitness ministry thing and following every single thing Revelation Wellness put out for years. I had already leaped, so I didn’t have that nervous excitement…I just had excitement.
Was I missing something?
At the retreat, I saw brothers and sisters making MASSIVE transformations of self and soul. I felt like I was growing too, but in a more subtle, soft way. I felt more sensitive to the words of God. I felt more attuned to the still, small voice.
But I did not have a massive 180 flip in my life, and it made me think, “Am I doing this right?” Everyone else is so drastically changed or doing this afraid. I feel nothing but joy and excitement to continue on the path I have been on for years. Is that okay?
I remember one specific cold November morning of the retreat, sitting in the dining hall doing my silent time with God, just pouring these fears out to Him for the first time. I was honest with Him about my fear that my past didn’t give me enough of a WOW factor testimony for Him to use.
He is so good, you guys. He interrupted my thoughts and said, “Stop trying to be broken when I need you to go heal the ones who are.”
Your Testimony is Valuable
I have always been by His side, even when I have thrown temper tantrums and strayed a bit in defiance, I have always been at home in my Father’s house, and that is a different testimony to celebrate.
Bottom line, we all have a testimony to share, some are just different than others, and that is okay. We are all in different places and seasons with different circumstances and maturity. For some of us, our change is easier to pinpoint and articulate. Others, well, we know.
Don’t let the enemy convince you that your journey is less because it is quieter. God moves in the still small wind, too, and that is a testimony worth celebrating.
Krisi Crabb is a Revelation Wellness Instructor (Platoon 23) leading fitness and wellness through her ministry, Faithful Fitness with Krisi. She is also an autism advocate and author along with her husband, Joey, for their son, Eli.
16 Responses
THIS!! Yes, this was an awesome read!
Thank you for sharing, Mandy!!!
Thank you, Mandy! I am honored my story resonated with you <3
This really touched me today. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing, Carla! Praise!
You are so incredibly welcome <3
Krisi, this is my testimony! Thank you for putting it so beautifully. I even relate to having a sobre with autism. Sister friends!
So good to hear this, Leigh!
Oh we need to get in touch! I love connecting with other Autism Tribe Mommas <3 Message me! Facebook or email <3 krisicrabb@faithfulfitnesswithkrisi.com
I related to this wholeheartedly – I felt the same in so many ways at retreat and in my faith journey. Thank you for sharing this!
Thank you for sharing, Sandra!
I think there are lots of us out there with the quieter testimony <3 It took years for God to get me to appreciate it and not long for someone else's story!
I so related to this post! Thanks for the encouragement… and gentle reminder that “comparison is the thief of joy” (even when talking about testimony).
Amen! Thanks for sharing. We’re so glad this blessed you!
Comparison sneaks in in so many unexpected places, it is always a relief to find it and call it out so we know what we are fighting <3
Kris,
Thank you for sharing your testimony with us. I can resonate with feeling as if my testimony was “weak” and I continue at times thinking my story is nothing significant. However, I am starting to embrace that my story is unique to me and that God wants to use my story to bless others. I am currently in my 9th yr as an Ordained Lutheran Pastor and starting my 2nd yr in my current ministry call. I’ve been encouraged by you all at Rev Wellness and look forward to growing in my ministry and faith journey.